What would you be doing on your first birthday, Koen? Toddling around in our living room? Snuggling with us in bed? Chasing Asa? Perhaps ripping open your very first birthday present.

What outfit would you be wearing – a Riders shirt, the red outfit that says “Awesome, like my dad” or a light-coloured “Mommies sweetest boy” dress shirt with a pair of cute shorts?

And little would you know we would have a delicious cake ready for you for later. With one candle, right in the middle. And your name written on the cake. We’d have some people over because you shouldn’t finish that cake all by yourself!

Today, May 7, 2014, is such a beautiful day. The sun is out. Fragrant flowers and cards fill our living room. Candles are lit. Messages on Facebook congratulating you and remembering you.

Here’s to many, many more birthday’s, Koen. We love you very much!

Missing you,

Mom, Dad, Sam (& Asa)

… little did we know how our lives would change the very next day. Nothing could’ve prepared us. Nobody prepared us. It just happened.

Through grieving, family, friends, time and more grieving, family, friends we got here. A year later. I still can’t really believe what actually happened. That so much joy and happiness could be ripped out in a moment’s notice and replaced with a void that can never be filled again. I can’t believe Koen is not here with us all today.

But we can still hold him in our hearts and especially on his birthday tomorrow, we will remember and celebrate him. And we would love for all of you to join us on his special day in your thoughts and in your hearts.

I can’t help but think that tomorrow I will wake up to find him in his crib and that the past year was just a really terrible dream.

Sleep well, sweet little Koen. Tomorrow is your big day.